Saturday, February 08, 2014

WWCBD?, ep. 32: How EMMA-taining!

Emma from NXT. Without question the BEST Aussie wrestler in the world today. Anyone who says otherwise is a jealous cunt

No. 2& 3. TMDK: Mikey Nicholls & Shane Haste (ripping up NOAH)
 
 No. 4. Adam Brooks. Dominant in MCW and WarZone
 
No. 5. KrackerJak: well-travelled, seasoned veteran
with a gift of the gab. A banner year
 
 No. 6. Mike Petersen (top performer in WarZone and MCW)
 
 No. 11. Damian Slater and No. 7. Jag, respectively

 SexRock: Jonah Rock (No. 8) and Elliott Sexton (No. 14), respectively

 No. 9. Australian Suicide in AAA Mexico

 No. 10. Chris Vice: built like a tank and wrestling
the best in the world in EPW and NHPW
 
 A great tag team, and just as brilliant in singles
competition: Mimic (No. 12) and Grimm (No. 13)
 
 No. 15. Tyson Gibbs, back from OVW in the USA
to kick arse in AWF, IWA and more
 
 No. 16. AWF supremo TNT
 
 No. 17. AWF champion Jay Law

 A big rivalry in PWA Sydney:
Robbie Eagles (No. 18) & Mick Moretti (No. 19)
 
 Give this man some work in a decent promotion!
CWA main eventer Ethan Hughz (No. 20)!
 

ONCE again, it's time for AUSTRALIA'S BIGGEST AND MOST SUCCESSFUL PODCAST to delight its millions and MULLLLLLLLIONS of fans. Australia's most beloved pornographer DANN LENNARD is joined by Australia's most dangerous man LORD MARK WILLIAMSON - NOT on Australia Day - to record the most important podcast of the year......
THE WWCBD TOP 200!!!!
It's a solid 50 minutes of subjective comments, witty banter from his Lordship and the usual shitkent talk from me. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be astounded who made our top 20 and who DIDN'T. Below is the full Top 200. Check it out while you're listening to the podcast.
Did we miss anyone? Let us know.
And don't forget our bloody scotch, Ethan Hughz!

RUNNING TIME: http://kirbyyourenthusiasm.libsyn.com/wwcbd-ep-32-how-emma-taining


TOP 200 for 2014
1. Emma

2.-3. TMDK (Shane Haste, Mikey Nicholls)

4. Adam Brooks

5. KrackerJak

6. Mike Petersen

7. “Jag” Hartley Jackson

8. Jonah Rock

9. Australian Suicide/Ryan Rollins

10. Chris Vice

11. Damian Slater

12. Mimic

13. Grimm

14. Elliott Sexton

15. Tyson Gibbs

16. TNT

17. Jay Law

18. Robbie Eagles

19. Mick Moretti

20. Ethan Hughz
----------------------------------------------------
21. Mark Davis
22. Rocky Menero
23. Matt Silva/Buddy Murphy
24. Kijimuna
25. Tama Williams
26. Marcius Pitt
27. Mikey Broderick
28. Slex
29. Carlo Cannon
30. Enforcer
31. Mike Burr
32. Jay Andrews
33. Bluey Bonza
34. Adam Hoffman
35. Lord Mark Williamson
36. Robby Heart
37. Shazza McKenzie
38. “Mr Juicy” Adam Gambino
39. Tim Edison/AJ Istria
40.-41. Nick & Jett Armstrong
42. Andy “Voodoo” Roy
43. “AK-47″ Alex Kingston
44. Davis Storm
45. Richter
46. Michelle K. Hasluck
47. Mad Dog McCrea
48. “Iron” Ben Coles
49. The Warship
50. Kellie Skater
------------------------------ 
51. Mikey Lord
52. Josh Shooter
53. Matt Bailey
54. Dowie James
55.-56. The Hotrodz [Greg & Pat Graham]
57. “The Crazy Croatian” John E. Radic
58. Bruce ‘Havok’ Mills
59.-60. Dick & Balls [“Dirty” Dick Donovan & Wreckin’ Ball]
61. Gorgeous Garry
62. Hayden Zenith
63. Rob Matrix
64. Bishop Sommers
65. Ryan Eagles
66. Ahmed Iblis
67. Dean Draven,
68. Blakestone
69. Dan Damage
70. Madison Eagles
71. Gladiator Apollo
72. Sean Kustom
73. Savannah Summers
74. Hughsey
75. Vixsin
76. Bee Boy
77. Jarrad Slate
78. Cletus
79. Bronson King
80. Miami
81. Daniel Swagger
82. Micky Jackson
83. BILL DUNDEE
84. Danny Psycho
85. Gabriel Wolfe
86. Jake Nova
87. Salem
88. “Pitbull” Craig Cole
89. Tre
90. Chris Trance
91. Alberto Bravo
92. Tommy Hellfire
93. Braithe Priest
94. Crofty
95. Jaguar Kid
96. Jak Arkham
97. Jon Jeremy
98. Ben Farrar
99. Jack O’Lantern
100. Saxon Bruce
 
 
No. 100. Saxon Bruce
101. Nikita Naridian
102. Chris Trio
103. Dorian
104. Eliza Sway
105. Jesse McKay
106. Jay Taylor
107. Brian “Heat” Seeker
108. Super Cyclone/ Josh Haze
109. Benny Factor
110. “The Don” Michael Morleone
111. KC Cassidy
112. Scotty Ryan
113. Jagger Stevens
114. Demi Bennett
115. Luke Hunter
116. Harley Wonderland
117. Josh Extreme/JXT
118. Ryan O’Hare/Jake Navara
119. BJ Blade
120. Blue Oni
121. Concrete Davidson
122. Australian Wolverine
123. Kyote
124. Spaceboy Dacey
125. Cremator
126. Siren Monroe
127. Jade Diamond
128. Luke Knight
129. Mr Exclusive
130. Johnny Lukas
131. Big Brodie Marshall
132. Brad Smyth
133. Marvel
134. Joel Bateman
135. Andy Rhodes
136. Luke Santamaria
137. Steve Valek
138. Whiskey Sixx
139. Andy Phoenix
140. Adam Asixx
141. Kobra Jones
142. Matthew Pace
143. Aaron O’Malley
144. Del Taurino
145. Steve Ravenous
146. Tony “Thug” Slater/Dementor
147. AZ Vergara
148. Massive Q
149. Rick Sterling
150. Mighty Mel
151. Mr Big
152. MANtis
153. Fury
154. Shadow Shinobi
155. Arianna Snow
156. Samoan Warrior
157. Gavin McGavin
158. “Mad” Mike Massive
159. Matt Cardell
160. Liam Mendel
161. Dan Moore
162. Iron Horse Morrison
163. Tukahe
164. Leo Pratt
 165. Diego Del Fuego
166. Robbie Barnes
167. JT Robinson
168. Blair Alexis
169. Storm
170. Percy/Aaron Edwards
171. David Nero
172. Rachel Rose
173. Eddie Jones
174. Diablo
175. CRSM
176. Daisy Chayne
177. Alexi Papadopoulos
178. Chopper Colman
179. Sara Jay
180. Freight Train (not the original, sadly, he’s from Snakepit)
181. The Jackal
182. Ali Abraham
183. “Birdman” Phil Picasso
184. The Illusionist
185. Bruza
186. Seth Maxx
187. Randall
188. Jacky Wild
189. Rainbro
190. Envy
191. Big Bad Nick
192. Masked Mauler/Lou Marcello
193. Barry Lawrence
194. Psykotic
195. Niki Nitro
 
She's 196. Kandi Luv
196. Kandi Luv
197. Big T
198. Shane Saw
199. Maso
200. La Panda (or is it LePendra?)

No. 200: La Panda...not very good at all

Monday, January 27, 2014

WWCBD?, ep. 31: Straya Day, cuntz!

Adam "Brooksy" Brooks appears stunned after learning
who's been named WWCBD 2013 Wrestler of the Year!

QUALITY always trumps quantity. With that in mind, here's another of our semi-regular podcasts, this time coinciding with both Australia Day AND Dave Meltzer's Wrestling Observer awards.

Naturally, this proves to an opportune time to present the WWCBD Annual Australian Wrestling Awards for 2013.

This year, the categories include: WRESTLER OF THE YEAR, BEST PROMOTION, BEST MATCH, BEST MANAGER, BEST FEUD, WORST FEUD (you'll be surprised who I single out for attention), MOST IMPROVED, BEST PODCAST (it wasn't BAM - but they DO get their very own award for WORST BAM SEGMENT OF 2013) and...............our most highly anticipated and controversial award, SHIT KENT OF THE YEAR.

Get the lawsuits ready after you download 90+ minutes of cackling mayhem. Can your hearts stand it, scenesters....whoops, sorry Dubbs......Aussie wrestling? :P

http://kirbyyourenthusiasm.libsyn.com/wwcbd

Orlando is overjoyed to hear about being nominated
for SHIT KENT OF THE YEAR

Sunday, December 08, 2013

WWCBD, ep. 30: "Welcome to the WindsorDome!"

Michael Elgin...not bad for a midget wrestler
 
 
A FINAL podcast for the year as I review the AWF "spectacular" on Saturday night, held at the "Windsor Wrestling Arena" (aka, a cinderblock shed in an industrial estate on the arse end of Sydney, conveniently located next to a Comancheros bikie clubhouse).
I wonder what Ring Of Honor star MICHAEL ELGIN made of this shithole (and the 50-odd fans who turned up both nights) to watch what was - to be fair - good shows. I only caught the second one, but I enjoyed every match...although I enjoyed the women's three-way title match for DIFFERENT reasons.
Anyway, it's 16 minutes of non-stop chatter from me in a car driving back from fucking Windsor. Hear me lightheartedly diss Mark Davis (who wasn't even on the bloody show), Michael Elgin (shhh...don't tell him) and Bruuuuuuuce (a big rookie who shows promise).
And, of course, there's the usual hardcore burial of such deserving targets as ex-PWAQ supremo and all-round fuckwit AV Dangerously (the Billy Wolfe of Aussie women's wrestling), "La Panda" (the woman with no entrance music...and no in-ring talent), Shane Saw and that utter cunt CB Cochrane. Seriously...fuck you, Cochrane.
 
La Panda..."she don't neeeeed no steeeeeeenkin' entrance music!!!"
 

Monday, October 07, 2013

The most repugnant novel I've ever read


by Dann Lennard

SOMETIMES, my obsession for all things wrestling can lead me down dark alleyways that I really didn’t expect, nor want, to go. Such is the case with my eBay purchase some time ago of the 1964 wrestling-themed novel Men Want My Flesh by Martin Samuels. I finally read it on the weekend and I really regret doing it. I feel like my mind has been dragged through a shit-filled sewer.

I’ve read some bad books in my time: poorly written, offensive content, demented in its point of view, but never have I read a novel that contained all three elements to such an alarming degree.

Men Want My Flesh is quite simply the most repugnant, misanthropic book I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading: extreme misogyny intertwined with homophobia and a healthy contempt for men as well.

This 75-center was probably the height of titillation back in the repressed early 60s, and maybe it’s typical of the bastardised genre of the pervy potboiler, the sexploitation-style novel that was the precursor to the full-on X-rated novels that filled porno shops up until only a few years ago. If so, then I hope the people who bought and perused them didn’t grow up with a severely warped attitude towards women and mankind in general.

The star of this tawdry tale is 18-year-old Marcia, a gal from the wrong side of the tracks who’s forced to live with her rich, aloof Aunt Beth in her mansion after her mother dies.

Beth is indifferent to Marcia, directing all her affection to weak, depraved son Berty. The scoundrel, naturally, takes an unhealthy interest in sweet innocent Marcia, finally culminating in a brutal rape scene in a children’s playroom.

Only a few pages earlier, the poor gal had lost her virginity to a Frenchman who forced himself on her after a blind date.

In fact, unlucky Marcia doesn’t fare well throughout this book: her first five sexual encounters all come via rape. Of course, this being an “erotic” novel written by a woman-hating male, by the end of each assault, Marcia comes to enjoy the experiences (except Berty’s).

Worse still, whenever she tells her friends about being these horrific attacks, their reactions are of the “Aw shucks, honey. That’s just the way of the world between men and women” variety. It’s jaw-dropping stuff. Samuels’ hatred of women (they’re cock-teasers who deserve to be raped) is only matched by his disdain for men (they’re filthy animals incapable of containing their brutish urges). The author has serious fucking issues here.

Following the Berty incident, Marcia discovers that Aunt Beth has taken his side, so she leaves the mansion (along with the maid and new friend Corrine) and decides to become a professional wrestler at the urging of local promoter Jack Blair.

After briefly training with ugly, self-loathing lesbian Lois Felton – and getting raped by crooked cop Franky Tate – Marcia has her first wrestling match and is a smash-hit, remembering Lois’s advice to constantly spread her legs during every move to turn on the male scum in the audience.

In the dressing room afterwards, Marcia witnesses Lois beating up, then raping an ex-lover.

Meanwhile, Aunt Beth is horrified to learn that her wayward relative has entered the tawdry world of women’s wrestling, and orders her to quit. When Marcia refuses, Beth hires two thugs to drug, rape and photograph her in an attempt to blackmail her into quitting the biz and leaving town.

A dismayed Marcia rejects the blackmail attempt and devises a plan of revenge. She learns that Jack also organises “smokers”: exclusive, invitation-only events where women wrestle in a ring for real – sometimes in the nude, sometimes culminating in depraved acts – in front of a leering audience of sick perverts. He explains, “Maybe you misunderstood, Marcia. They’re dirty, they’re filthy. They get plain obscene.”

Marcia browbeats Blair into putting her on the card for the next smoker, then arranges for Berty to attend the event. Meanwhile, she seduces weak Franky Tate (the only non-rape scene in the novel) to convince him to raid the event and arranges a local journalist to cover the bust and make sure Berty is photographed being arrested.

She feels certain this will destroy Berty’s reputation in town and mortally wound her most hated enemy, Aunt Beth.

On the fateful night, Marcia arrives at the venue and meets fellow wrestler Judy, who’s forced to compete because her deadbeat ex-boyfriend has left her in a financial lurch with a loan shark.

Backstage, Corrine finds Marcia and reveals to her that Jack Blair loves her. Suddenly realising the error of her ways, Marcia rushes into the arena to warn Berty to get away before the raid. He doesn’t believe her and tells her to leave.

She runs backstage and bumps into Franky Tate, urging him not to go ahead with the raid. Before he can say anything, an enraged Judy (who’d previously been stripped and humiliated in her wrestling match) plunges a pair of scissors into his back, killing him instantly. Turns out no-good Franky was Judy’s ex. She then stabs herself and dies.

Pandemonium breaks out in the arena and the crowd desperately try to escape as the police bust up the smoker.

Berty finds Marcia and drags her into her dressing room. Full of hate, he rapes her again...

The book ends with the journalist visiting Marcia a few days later to tell her that the cops don’t want her (“Nobody wants you”) and she’s free to go. His newspaper article has led to the arrest of Jack Blair and a few of his associates, but all the wealthy audience members (including Berty) have got away.

Perversely, a chastened Aunt Beth visits Marcia and tells her she’s disowned Berty and begs her to return to the mansion. Marcia declines, saying that she and Corrine are moving to another city to get a job: “A waitress maybe. It’s respectable.”

She also admits that when Jack Blair gets out of jail, she’ll go to him: “I’m going to stay with him as long as he’ll have me.”

Yeah sure, honey. You ratted him out to the cops and he went to prison. He’ll DEFINITELY wanna see you again when he’s set free.

And the book ends on a vaguely hopeful note for Marcia’s future. A mentally damaged victim of rape who hates pretty much every man except the one man who more than likely hates her for ruining his life.

Men Want My Flesh is badly written in that florid, almost breathless style of the airport novel, and was probably churned out in three days by a moonlighting hack under a pseudonym (I checked online and couldn’t find anything else written by “Martin Samuels”).

The misanthropy (mainly misogyny, but overall a general contempt for mankind in general) are bad enough. But it’s Samuels’ twisted ideas of love and lust – and his central concept that any relationship between a man and a woman is essentially a combative one, where women are there to be tricked into bed or, failing that, forced into one – that will stay with me long after the overwrought dialogue and ridiculous plot developments have faded from memory.

This novel isn’t entertaining. It’s not even amusing in an eye-rolling, post-ironic way. It’s just fucked.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

MY WRESTLING OBSERVER HALL OF FAME PICKS FOR 2013

ONCE again, I was honoured this year to be asked to give my selections for the Wrestling Observer Newsletter Hall Of Fame for 2013. Here are my selections: 

WRESTLERS
1. Ivan Koloff
2. Brock Lesnar
3. Rock & Roll Express (Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson)
4. Sting
5. Blue Panther
6. Big Daddy
7. Jackie Pallo
8. Spyros Arion
9. Mark Lewin
NON-WRESTLERS
1. Bill Apter
2. Jesse Ventura
3. Stanley Weston

Last year, two of my picks – Captain Lou Albano and John Cena – were selected in the Hall Of Fame.
This year, I again selected the other eight unsuccessful candidates. If you want to read my reasons why, check out my blog last year at:
http://docriot.blogspot.com.au/2012/09/my-wrestling-observer-hall-of-fame.html
For the remaining three, I’ll explain why:


Ivan Koloff
A former WWWF world heavyweight champ, a former NWA tag team champ, a top heel in the 70s and the archetypical Communist Russian heel, arguably the best of all time. To me, he was the perfect heel to pit against the likes of Bruno Sammartino, Dusty Rhodes, the Road Warriors, etc. He drew money, he was on top for two decades. A clear choice in my opinion.

Jackie Pallo
Next to Mick McManus and, later, Big Daddy, the most recognisable figure in British wrestling. Drew record ratings for his televised bouts with McManus. A massive ratings draw whenever he appeared on TV. Pulled crowds wherever he went. If McManus is in the Hall Of Fame, then his greatest opponent should also be there.

Spyros Arion
Graeme Cameron made a great argument for why Arion is the greatest grappler in the Australian wrestling scene (conversely, GC also argued against another of my picks, Mark Lewin, but he convinced me on Arion’s merits). Throw in his successful run in the WWWF and worldwide success and he’s a clear choice.  

Stanley Weston
The man behind the so-called Apter mags. Without Weston, there’d be no Apter. Without Weston, guys like Mil Mascaras, Dusty Rhodes and Lex Luger would never have been as big as they were. His magazines were incredibly influential right up until the late 80s. Another no-brainer.

What do you think of my choices (subjective as they are)? Let me know your thoughts.

– Dann Lennard

This is what Wrestling Observer editor Dave Meltzer wrote to me in his original email:

It's time for the 2013 Hall of Fame elections.
This ballot is being sent out to major wrestling stars, past and present, major management figures in the industry, writers and historians.
If you are getting this, you are being asked your opinion on who should be inducted into this year's Hall of Fame class.  The criteria for the Hall of Fame is a combination of drawing power, being a great in-ring performer or excelling in ones field in pro wrestling, as well as having historical significance in a positive manner.  A candidate should either have something to offer in all three categories, or be someone so outstanding in one or two of those categories that they deserve inclusion.
The names listed below are those under consideration for this year.  To be eligible, a performer must have reached their 35th birthday and completed ten years since their debut as a full-time performer, or be someone who has been a full-time pro wrestler for at least 15 years.
Longevity should be a prime consideration rather than a hot two or three year run, unless someone is so significant as a trend-setter or a historical figure in the business, or valuable to the industry, that they need to be included.  However, just longevity without being either a long-term main eventer, a top draw and/or a top caliber in-ring performer should be seen as relatively meaningless.
The election is broken down into a number of categories.  You should check each category for wrestlers that you feel you are familiar enough with based on geography that you've either traveled or are familiar with, and based on the time you have followed pro wrestling.  You do not have to vote for a wrestler in every category you've checked.
The ballot is also broken down to wrestlers and those who are not pro wrestlers but have been valuable parts of the industry.
The maximum number of wrestlers that you can vote for all the categories is ten.  You can pick as few as zero if you don't believe anyone on this list deserves inclusion.
For wrestling executives, managers, announcers and other outside the ring performers, you can vote for them and they are not counted against the ten.  You can vote for as many as five of them.
All responses are confidential.  There is nothing to worry about politically about any involvement in this process.  Your selections will not be revealed unless you choose to do so yourself.
Anyone who receives mention on 60% of the ballots from the geographical region and time frame (broken down as Continental United States & Canada; Mexico; Japan; Europe; and Hawaii/Australia/New Zealand/Puerto Rico) will be added to the Hall of Fame in the class of 2013.
If you are unfamiliar with any of the candidates due to geography of having never seen them, that is fine.  Ballots are sent to many people from all over the world and from different wrestling cultures so that everyone has as fair a shot at possible.
The breakdown for modern and historical performers is 30 years ago, or 1983.  So if the last year the person was a headliner, or was a key figure in the industry, was prior to 1983, they would be in the historical class.
All performers who receive mention on 10% to 59.9% of the ballots from their geographical region or era will remain on the ballot for consideration next year.  All those who receive less than 10% of the vote will be dropped from next year's ballot.  They can return in two years based on if there is significant feedback from voters who say they will vote for them.  This is mostly for wrestlers who are still active who may improve their career legacy, but can be for retired wrestlers if voters believe they should be put on or returned to the ballot.
Please return this ballot by October 5th.  You can e-mail the ballot back to dave@wrestlingobserver.com or fax it to 408-244-3402 or mail (please do so by September 28th) to Wrestling Observer, P.O. Box 1228, Campbell, CA  95009-1228.
Please check by every category you are familiar with

I FOLLOWED THE HISTORICAL PERFORMERS ERA CANDIDATES

Gene & Ole Anderson

The Assassins (Joe Hamilton & Tom Renesto)

Red Bastien

June Byers

Pepper Gomez

Rip Hawk

Dick Hutton

Ciclon Negro

Dutch Savage

Kinji Shibuya

Wilbur Snyder

John Tolos

Enrique Torres

Count Billy Varga

Von Brauners & Saul Weingeroff

Tim "Mr. Wrestling" Woods

 
I FOLLOWED THE MODERN PERFORMERS IN U.S/CANADA CANDIDATES

Bob Armstrong

Batista

Edge

Owen Hart

Curt Hennig

Ivan Koloff

Brock Lesnar

Fabulous Moolah

Pedro Morales

Dick Murdoch

Ken Patera

Rock & Roll Express (Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson)

Sgt. Slaughter

Jimmy Snuka

Sting

A.J. Styles

Johnny "Mr. Wrestling II" Walker

 
I FOLLOWED WRESTLING IN JAPAN CANDIDATES

George Gordienko

Gran Hamada

Volk Han

Masahiko Kimura

Yuji Nagata

Seiji Sakaguchi

Kensuke Sasaki

Mike & Ben Sharpe

Kiyoshi Tamura

Hiroshi Tanahashi
 

I FOLLOWED WRESTLING IN MEXICO CANDIDATES

Atlantis

Cien Caras

Hector Garza

Karloff Lagarde

Blue Panther

L.A. Park

Huracan Ramirez

Vampiro

Villano III

Dr. Wagner Jr.

Dr. Wagner Sr.
 

I FOLLOWED WRESTLING IN EUROPE CANDIDATES

Jim Breaks

Big Daddy

Giant Haystacks

Horst Hoffman

Billy Joyce

Kendo Nagasaki

Jackie Pallo

Rollerball Mark Rocco

Johnny Saint

 
I FOLLOWED WRESTLING IN AUSTRALIA/PACIFIC ISLANDS/PUERTO RICO CANDIDATES

Spyros Arion

Johnny Barend

Carlos Colon

Domenic DeNucci

Killer Karl Kox

Mark Lewin

Mario Milano
 

NON-WRESTLERS

Bill Apter

Dave Brown

Jim Crockett Jr.

Jim Crockett Sr.

Gary Hart

Jimmy Hart

Howard Finkel

Jerry Jarrett

Takashi Matsunaga

Gorilla Monsoon

Gene Okerluind

Don Owen

Jesse Ventura

Stanley Weston